I try to give a fair warning to clients in certain situations that as they are moving along on their adventure to personal happiness: There will be some bumps in the road. Decisions you make for yourself will, in some cases, effect others; even the right choices. But it doesn’t mean you won’t be met without any resistance.
I had some tough pros & cons to weigh about 6 months ago. It would have been a no brainer for anyone else, I’m sure; Especially given some reactions I had had about these two particular friends in the past. But for me it was tough because I’ve known them both since we were single digits.
They both came back into my world in 2015 and I viewed them as a blessing. This was the time I was getting out of an abusive relationship and needed good people around me and *poof* there they were.
Over the course of the next few years however, a good friendship with one of them became more and more one sided. I would find myself constantly questioning my self worth after being blown off over and over, not responded to, feeling let down, etc. It got worse once I moved (only a couple hours away,) with promises to visit that never panned out, concert tickets purchased with multiple reminders only to back out the week before, being told through a mutual, “…but, I just saw her last time she was home,” which was once a month, if I was lucky, while she made time for others every weekend.
The other friend, without giving too much, out of respect for her, went a little too far on more than one occasion. But I always try to put myself in other shoes to over analyze a situation and understand their perspective and I moved forward each time. Until in September a decision was made that she knew could alter our friendship because it was going to hurt me – she did it any way.
It was in this moment, I made the hard choice: Remove what’s hurting me. Remove the toxic.
And I did.
But like I mentioned earlier, you won’t always be met without resistance. Even when the cons outweigh the pros of keeping someone around.
Example: This is an email I just received through my Feel This Happy account from the first “friend” described.
“You[‘re] gonna be a life coach when you cut your friends off the way you did?? Good
Approach but you should check [yo]urself first…
Good luck to ya”
It’s been just about 6 months and this isn’t the first time she’s reached out in a negative manner. All the while, I’m sitting a state away minding my own business and taking care of my personal mental health.
If I hadn’t gone through the education I have and personal growth on dealing with anxiety, this would be a trigger. It would set me back and I would be a number of emotions. But, how I know I’ve been healing and growing stronger is my reaction to this. I saw, I read, I watched the Universe give me the proof that I made the right decision. To top it off, you get a first hand example of what you, too, may experience.
I like to share some of the personal stuff I’ve battled, so you understand I’ve been there, I “get” it and this is something I’m also working on and using my own education and techniques to grow from.
None of this is easy, but the results in how you feel are what make it all worth it. Trust the process and your hard work and keep going. Together, we’ve got this.