These Are My Only Intentions

I’m in a period of transition.

Life has a funny way of putting you where it feels you belong.

I’m very much a believer that each of us have our own paths. Our dreams are great and all and hey, in a lot of ways they very well may be what our true goals should be. But we make choices and we get comfortable and we put others before ourselves, etc. and it changes our original path along the way.

So, what do you do when you’re forced to choose?

Everyone handles it differently; Hell, I’ve handled it differently each time! In my case, most of these situations have been career focused and it becomes a matter of what’s important to you and what you put in the importance column as a whole.

For a while, I thought I was more so making choices based on how my family would feel and while part of that is definitely a reality, I have come to realize, it’s been for my own personal mental health as well. I’ll explain.

My full-time career has been in the radio broadcast field for 15 years. It’s typically a job where people bounce from city to city, growing their resume and climbing to the top markets. That was never my thing. In fact, I had only made one significant move prior to 2016 and that was to Omaha, Nebraska in the very beginning of my career.

It was the smart move professionally, but personally? Life fell apart. 

I was in Omaha a couple months when I got the phone call. My Aunt and her Boyfriend were killed in a motorcycle accident. I had just dumped all my savings into the move, I couldn’t afford to come home and say, “goodbye.” Then, my Nana kept falling ill and the doctors were stumped for months. After these two situations and a number of other things, 23 year old me was so stressed my hair was falling out. I made the decision to quit my first full-time job, move home and start over.

Fast forward to 2019, my position was eliminated and one of the first calls I received about an opening was from a Programmer in Atlanta, Georgia. He flew through all my references before I could barely blink and wanted to get me on a plane to visit. 

My first reaction? I cried. 

Not happy tears either, panicked tears. Tears of fear, tears of post traumatic stress. Tears that made it clear to me: Atlanta is too far from home. 

Maybe it’s something I should work on, maybe it’s something I have been slowly (my family is in upstate, New York while I’m currently in Boston.) Whatever the case, what’s right for me and my personal mental health, is to be close to them. 

That’s what is important for you to weigh when you’re forced to make a choice. What might seem like a no brainer to someone else, might not be so crystal clear to you – and that’s okay! Weigh your options, think about how they all make you feel and go with your gut. Whatever makes you happiest in the end will never be the wrong decision. 

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