What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

When you want something so bad and you’re putting in a ton of effort, then see little results, it can be extremely frustrating.

You want the effort to pay off. You want to see, feel and notice the change. But, sometimes, since we’re living it we are the last to see it.

Imagine you’re that person that wants to lose weight. You start going to the gym and eating clean. You’re even logging your exercise and calorie count and being very regimented in your behaviors. You look in the mirror 3 months in and you see the same old youor do you? I mean, hold up for a second. Think about it: if you’re doing all the hard work and you’re truly paying attention to what you’re putting into your body and you’ve been sweating, with sore muscles and all that comes along with it, your body HAS to be changing. The thing is, you see yourself every single day. The changes are happening gradually, but are hidden to your little eye balls. Step on the scale and watch the number go down…look at a picture of you before and put it side by side to one from this morning, you’re going to see your face is a little thinner and your shirts baggier than before.

Positive changes will manifest your positive results, but nothing happens with the snap of a finger. Pounds drop over months of hard work, businesses grow organically when done correctly, pain takes healing and learning to dissipate. The results will happen and it will all be worth it – just make sure that you remind yourself why you started this journey and keep going.

There’s No Good in Goodbye – Or Is There?

I try to give a fair warning to clients in certain situations that as they are moving along on their adventure to personal happiness: There will be some bumps in the road. Decisions you make for yourself will, in some cases, effect others; even the right choices. But it doesn’t mean you won’t be met without any resistance.

I had some tough pros & cons to weigh about 6 months ago. It would have been a no brainer for anyone else, I’m sure; Especially given some reactions I had had about these two particular friends in the past. But for me it was tough because I’ve known them both since we were single digits.

They both came back into my world in 2015 and I viewed them as a blessing. This was the time I was getting out of an abusive relationship and needed good people around me and *poof* there they were.

Over the course of the next few years however, a good friendship with one of them became more and more one sided. I would find myself constantly questioning my self worth after being blown off over and over, not responded to, feeling let down, etc. It got worse once I moved (only a couple hours away,) with promises to visit that never panned out, concert tickets purchased with multiple reminders only to back out the week before, being told through a mutual, “…but, I just saw her last time she was home,” which was once a month, if I was lucky, while she made time for others every weekend.

The other friend, without giving too much, out of respect for her, went a little too far on more than one occasion. But I always try to put myself in other shoes to over analyze a situation and understand their perspective and I moved forward each time. Until in September a decision was made that she knew could alter our friendship because it was going to hurt me – she did it any way. 

It was in this moment, I made the hard choice: Remove what’s hurting me. Remove the toxic.

And I did. 

But like I mentioned earlier, you won’t always be met without resistance. Even when the cons outweigh the pros of keeping someone around. 

Example: This is an email I just received through my Feel This Happy account from the first “friend” described.

“You[‘re] gonna be a life coach when you cut your friends off the way you did?? Good

Approach but you should check [yo]urself first…

Good luck to ya”

It’s been just about 6 months and this isn’t the first time she’s reached out in a negative manner. All the while, I’m sitting a state away minding my own business and taking care of my personal mental health.

If I hadn’t gone through the education I have and personal growth on dealing with anxiety, this would be a trigger. It would set me back and I would be a number of emotions. But, how I know I’ve been healing and growing stronger is my reaction to this. I saw, I read, I watched the Universe give me the proof that I made the right decision. To top it off, you get a first hand example of what you, too, may experience.

I like to share some of the personal stuff I’ve battled, so you understand I’ve been there, I “get” it and this is something I’m also working on and using my own education and techniques to grow from.

None of this is easy, but the results in how you feel are what make it all worth it. Trust the process and your hard work and keep going. Together, we’ve got this. 

You Have to Believe

Did you know if you believe it, it can happen?

I’m not talking about seeing aliens or the Loch Ness Monster, I’m talking about the attainable goals you’re striving for.

It’s all about the vibe you’re sending out into the Universe and the mindset you provide it. They call it “the Success Mindset,” because it really is that powerful. But by it, I mean your brain, what you tell it and what it allows you to feel to send out into the world.

So, example: if you’re someone with a weight loss goal and go into it every day with a positive, confident outlook and telling yourself, “I’ve got this! I’m gonna reach my 25 pound goal!” You’re more likely to reach it. There are obviously more things that need to go into it than just wishful thinking. But, if you’re keeping yourself positive, upbeat and believe you can achieve your goal, you’ll be more apt to do the workouts and make the time for meal prep, etc.

Another example: Lets say you’re up for a job. You really want it, you go in cool, calm, collected and lets throw another c-word in there – confident. You know you’re qualified, you know you bring amazing results, you’re ready for this opportunity and you’re sending those feelings out into the world. Your confidence will help you with the actual interview and the vibes you’re sending are putting the rest in action.

Our energy, like everyone around us is bouncing off of all of us all the time. It’s something we feel without even recognizing what it fully is in the moment. It’s how we feel someones excitement before they even open their mouth. It’s how we sense someone may be attracted to us without even knowing their name.

Your vibe decides.

So what are you dreaming of today and how are you feeling about it? Try it with something small and see what happens.

Be Your Own Superhero: A Note on Mens Mental Health

I stole this image from the BreakingTaboo ig account to take a second to shine some light where it very needed: Mens Mental Health.

I had asked a question on my own Instagram (@marissaontheradio) story last week, “Could your life be happier all around?”

The response was an overwhelming “YES.” More importantly, over 80% that replied were MEN.

My next question was, “What’s holding you back from your happiness?”

Only Women replied. ONLY WOMEN.

It takes a bit of bravery to take that next step to admit there’s a problem, but, c’mon GUYS, what’s not brave is “manning up.” That’s hurting you, your life, your success, your relationships; everything is not up to where it could be because YOU’RE not where you could be with how you feel about YOU.

Like a sport or an instrument, you feel good and happier with practice and growth. I realize this is something that for centuries MEN have been told to “push it down,” “shake it off,” “be a man,” “men don’t have feelings,”MEN HAVE FEELINGS – ya know why? Because you’re human. No one is invincible. But – you can be your own superhero if you take action and help yourself be your best YOU.

Take the next step and DM me today. It’s time to take care of yourself and realize you’re worth it. Put on your cape and lets get started.

Breaking Bad (Habits)

It takes a lot to get to my breaking point.

I’m talking about those days where it seems like absolutely nothing is going right; you spilled coffee on yourself, you were late for work because of all things a cow was in the middle of the road (like, huh?); it started raining on your walk into the office, works piled up, Meg was a giant B in the break room, you went in the stall without paper, someone ate your lunch out of the fridge and just as you were about to sneak out on a Friday at 5pm, one last minute piece of work pops up – UGH!

It’s days like this where it can be incredibly hard to focus on anything other than stewing about, well everything. Even breathing seems like too much.

But there are two things that you need to know for your own well being:

1) Your Personal Limit

2) How To Take It All In Stride

Your personal limits are so incredibly important. I like to look at myself like an empty drinking glass, with each little thing that seems to irk me, is the water being poured in. Eventually, we’re gonna reach the top of my head and water is going to come spilling out if I can’t drain some of it – aka my personal limit.

These days for me, it takes a helluva lot to get there. But for a while, as I was healing, it seemed like I was getting to that point a lot. What I needed to know about myself was how to handle it when it did happen. One of the best things I did for myself was to simply be alone. I needed to de-stress and not only that, I was concerned I would snap at someone I loved. Because ya know what happens when you’re in that head space and then you snap at someone you care about? You feel worse and to top it off, now they feel bad, too. No fun. Not worth it.

When I would have that alone time I would do things that would take away that negative energy. I’d play my guitar, I would write, I would head to the gym, clean the house (that’s a big one.) Getting out the extra BAD energy is super necessary.

Next on that little list is, “How To Take It All In Stride,” which I’m going to tell you right now, will not happen overnight. You won’t read this right now and magically be able to handle everything thrown at you tomorrow. Instead, it’s a matter of breaking bad habits and that requires time and brain training.

Think of some of the things that have happened this week that frustrated you. I’ve posted about my Rule of 5 before, so let me ask you this: Did whatever it was matter 5 minutes later? 5 hours? 5 days? Was it worth the frustration?

If you’re answering, “No,” then there are a couple things I can suggest that if implemented could help you immensely.

  • STOP. Close your eyes. Breathe in deep and let it out slow. Repeat. This is to calm your immediate reaction and hopefully give you a moment to think clearer. Is this something that should be sending you into a tizzy?
  • Be Calm – No matter the situation, don’t overreact, take a moment and speak calmly and assess the situation. Getting loud or sounding negative in any way is only going to heighten the issue for everyone involved.
  • Ask yourself: Does this effect me in any way? A lot of times we take on the energy of those around us and their frustrations. Maybe Tammy just told you what Bob said to her in the office and it’s offended her. You can choose to take on that negative energy or toss it in the trash. In fact, if you’re me, it’s fun to picture myself at the free throw line and making the shot (spoiler alert: I make it every time.) If you’re not a basketball fan, switch it up to your liking. Throw that negative energy away.
  • Put yourself in the other person shoes. Sure, they were a jerk with whatever just happened, but could they be deflecting onto you? It doesn’t make it right, but if you can understand what’s happening it’s a lot easier for you to not take it personally.
  • Write it out! For real – it’s a release and it works. Write it, crumple it up and throw it away and write some more if you need to. This isn’t a read what you wrote, or save it for later kinda thing either, just write it, release it and throw it out. I don’t need to you going back to it a week from now and feeling any of that all over it again.
  • Implement Some New Routine Changes: 1) Lessen your caffeine, alcohol and nicotine intake – you’re dealing with stimulants and depressants, neither are good for you mental health. 2) Get a Good Nights Sleep – you’re only working at your best, if your brain has had the appropriate down time. 3) Talk to Someone – Like writing it out, talking it out GETS IT OUT. That’s what the goal is here: release! Plus, it’s always nice to bounce off of a someone and realize you’re not crazy, or what could’ve been played out differently.

I realize a couple of these might sound ridiculous as they are written…Why should I imagine anything? How is that gonna help me at all? What’s the benefit? Try ‘em more than once and just see how you begin to change. The brain is an extremely powerful instrument and you need teach it and practice, as if you’re learning a solo on the guitar, to get it to the place you want: your calmest, happiest place. You can do it, I know you can. Just make sure you put in the work and you’ll get there!

Allow Yourself to Feel It

You don’t need to like how you feel right now.⠀

It’s okay, I promise.

Allow this to be a part of your story and allow yourself to feel it. Then, take a deep breath and take a step forward into your next chapter.

The most beautiful thing about life is that it’s constantly changing and your ability to change yourself.

• How you talk to yourself⠀
• How you react to situations ⠀
• The way other people affect you⠀
• How you feel inside every day⠀

These are all things within your control and a couple weeks, months or year from right now, this moment, you just might be another success story of putting in the hard work and taking back your personal happiness.

I can help, if you’ll let me. In fact, make this your first step and 💌 email me right now to see how I can guide you through your personal journey! ⠀

Together, we’ve got this! ☀️💙

Don't Let Your Desires Get In the Way

You’ve heard it before: Happiness is a choice.

Do you believe it yet, though? I do. Let me explain.

I’m someone who hasn’t exactly had the easiest path (or so I’m told.) I got out of an abusive relationship, then almost immediately following, I lost my job in a budget cut. I bounced right back, only to end up in an abusive work situation and shockingly, again, a budget cut in less than 2 years. I get another job within a couple months, move to Boston and…you guessed it, budget cut again, another 2 years later.

You’d think I’d feel pretty down about myself, questioning what I bring to the table and feeling defeated. I’ll admit to moments of those feelings here and there. But, overall, I’m at my happiest. In fact, it was the weirdest thing after getting cut this last time. I shook my bosses hand, thanked him for all the opportunities and walked out of his office with an overwhelming feeling of, “I’m going to be okay.”

Why? How?

It had me puzzled, too. But, it’s hit me that I’ve worked on myself so much, I have found my own personal happiness within me and not within things surrounding me.

My personal journey of sort of rediscovering myself and healing began in June of 2015, but a giant chunk of that work happened once I moved to Boston. I found myself alone a lot, working out almost every day, reading more, basically just doing me. I did my best to also focus on all of the positives that were around me: I was close enough to my family that they were a quick drive away, I have a great core group of friends who are incredibly supportive, I am blessed to have a few dollars more than most my age in my bank account, I have two loving “kids” in my dog and cat and I have all of what I require to survive comfortably. I am a simple person, I know, but truly if you have the basic necessities in life, the more you think you need is simply a desire.

When you desire something, anything, it’s less about the object and more about how that object will make you feel. Let me tell ya, whether it’s a promotion at work, a date you waited months for, a vacation or a therapeutic shopping trip – it’s all temporary.

So, how do you create your personal happiness?

It’s by focusing on positives and the things you’re grateful for in your life. It’s being kind to yourself because if you think about it, you talk to yourself the most of anyone in your life, be nice. It’s by removing the toxic pieces around you and surrounding yourself with good people. It’s by making sure you have the basic things you need to live comfortably. By being healthy in body and mind with exercise, good foods and taking care of your mental health.

It takes work. Everything in life worth doing will take effort. But really, the first step that you need to take is always the hardest because it requires you to admit that you’re not your happiest and that things aren’t perfect. If it helps to hear, no one is perfect. You’re not alone.

So are you ready to be your happiest? Put one foot in front of the other and lets start this today! Send me an email to set up your personal one on one session and get ready to feel so much better!

What If We Were Nicer To Each Other?

I want you to try something today (or tomorrow depending on when you’re reading this.) I want you to pay someone a compliment.

Doesn’t have to be anything crazy. It can be someone you know or don’t know. There really are no big rules to this, just pay someone a compliment.

“Hey Karen, that shirt is fab!” is completely acceptable.

You may be like, “uh, okay Marissa, but I do this all the time!” That’s cool and I’m super glad you do. But, I want you to start with one today and make it two the next and then make it a daily objective for yourself to spread positivity around you by complimenting the people surrounding your world.

Think about how you feel when someone pays you a compliment. If that shit happens right at the beginning of your day, it’s almost like a super force field of, “good luck trying to ruin my mood” mood. Someone tells you you’re hair looks on point and BAM confidence boosted, mood lifted, ego slightly inflated in the best of ways. So think of what’ll happen if all of a sudden you’re paying all these people around you, who deserve a compliment, a compliment. Moods UP! Happier people, you feel good for bringing smiles, everyone’s more productive, the company has an awesome year, you get a huge fat Christmas bonus…okay I don’t want to jump too far ahead. But you see what I’m saying right? It starts with something so small and it can snowball into something so great.

And it can all start with you. Ya know how I know that? ‘Cause you are working on educating yourself to living happier by being here with me. That in itself means you’re making some great choices! (Seriously, props to you…keep going!) Keep up the good work and start making some people smile big! If anyone can do it, I know we can

Learn To Say, "NO"

Hi, my name is Marissa and I’m a recovering “People Pleaser.”

I’m someone who would very much bend over backwards for just about anyone. You needed me, you had me. I barely know you? Eh, whatever. I see the good in everyone. There’s no way you’re gonna take advantage of me…right?…right?

Insert eye roll here.

You know what began to happen? I found myself constantly busy, completely being taken advantage of (even if unintentionally on the other parties end) and taking on everyone’s personal stress like it was my own.

I was worn out.

Part of that is how I feed off of everyone else and their energy, the other part was just everything else. It’s A LOT.

When I look back, I realize that my constant want to please was sort of an endorphin rush. Similar to what Taylor Swift described with people clapping for her as a way of being accepted in her new documentary, “Miss Americana,” on Netflix. You look at the accomplishment or the thanks as a way of people approving of you or liking you.

But, what I’ve learned and now accept is that people are supposed to like me for me, not what I can do for them. I had to switch my way of thinking and reacting to the situations put in front of me.

I had to learn it was okay to say, “No.”

“No,” I can’t always help someone move.

“No” I can’t let anyone borrow money or things.

“No” I can’t listen to this conversation that’s causing my anxiety to get worked up.

“No” I shouldn’t always buy something just cause it made me think of someone, I’m not made of money.

Sure, these are nice things to do and I haven’t 100% stopped helping people, I’ve just become more aware of what help I can actually provide.

Are you currently a People Pleaser? Do you think it’s making you a happier person or do you find yourself stressed from the situations it presents? It’s worth reevaluating for your own mental health and how each situation can take it’s toll.

It's Not Selfish, It's Self Care

What’s a simple way to start to feel GOOD all the time?

Doing more of the things you love!

Though, if you’re like me, you have those moments of guilt. There is something instilled in so many of us that if we aren’t busy working or taking care of some form of responsibility, we feel lazy or selfish with that “wasted” time. But let me tell you, it’s not waste and that’s not selfish – it’s self care. Without it, you burn out, you’re not living life to its fullest, you’re letting time pass by instead of living in the moment.

So make a list of the things you LOVE to do

On mine?

• Watching a beautiful sunset with my pup
• getting to a basketball game (go Celtics!)⠀
• writing a new song on my guitar⠀
• making a healthy meal⠀
• spending time with friends/family⠀
• going to the movies⠀
• dancing my butt off at a concert⠀ ⠀

Taking time for YOU is what your mental health is all about. It craves the endorphins, it craves the joy and beauty of the moment and most of all it loves how it makes you feel all over on the inside and even more how it radiates back out into the world.

So do yourself the favor and take some time for you. Make it a priority and see how you’re every day can change into the best day. ⠀