What To Do In Isolation

Here we go, starting another week. But not your normal type of kick off, right?

I’ve been chatting with a lot of friends and family about this whole Coronavirus scenario and we’re all just as puzzled as the next person. How serious is it, really? How much should we plan ahead? Should we be panicking? Is this being blown out of proportion?

The one major thing that I’ve realized with all of this Pandemic is this: We Are All Being Effected.

Regardless of your job (or lack there of), regardless of bank account or family status; each and every one of us is going to be essentially “starting over,” when our lives are done being placed on “pause.”

I think it’s important to remember that as we are all dealing with this, we are all dealing with it together. When this is all said and done and people are allowed to work within the office again, schools are back in session, sporting events are back to large crowds and tight scores, we will all be in this together. We will be acclimating back into normalcy, together. We will be rebuilding our communities, together. We will be putting the pieces of our worlds back in place, together.

No matter your current circumstances, the one thing you can be rest assured in is that you are not alone.

Breathe. Take this all day by day. Make smart decisions. Do whatever you can to make sure you and your loved ones stay healthy. Live in the moment with them and enjoy your time together. Smile. Laugh. Don’t swallow up the panic and worry.

Below are some self-quarantine ideas for fun and productivity. Allow this time to be special and not wasted.

The Fun Family/Friends Stuff:

  • Have Your Own Paint & Sip: This doesn’t need to include alcohol when you’ve got small kids involved. But, it’s always fun to get out the art supplies and some paper or canvas and see what you each can create with the same initial ideas in mind.
  • YouTube A Concert: Agree on a band or musician and get to searching. Even some of the crowd recorded footage, when done right can be a fun watch and a lot of full concerts are up for viewing. Turn up the volume, dim the lights and sing-a-long!
  • Family/Friend Photo Shoot: I’m not talking about one of those holiday shoots where the kids are dressed up matching and hating every second of it. I mean, the most random attire, with props and silly make up and fun! Find a plane wall in the house, grab some of your brightest lights and have at it!
  • Board Games Galore! You’d be surprised how many people have tons of games that are just gathering dust. It’s so simple and so much fun.
  • Create A Recipe Together: Okay, this could get a little ugly and disgusting and I don’t want you wasting any food by any means, but maybe have a bit of your own bake off type experience in the kitchen.

Be Productive:

  • Spring Cleaning: The weather has gotten nicer a little earlier this year and now that you’re stuck in the house with nowhere to be, why not take advantage and get into those closets and start weeding ‘em out!
  • Redecorate: We all have that room we’ve been wanting to rearrange or sort of “start over” with. Now’s the time. You might not be able to do the big things like painting right now, but you can get a good start at cleaning up that space and making it into what you’ve always dreamed.
  • Get Ahead On Work: I know, you’re lacking motivation. I get it. But, if you’re like me and have your own home business or have been thinking of starting one, what better time to do the research, watch some videos or start producing your own content for your start up?!

Walls Caving In: A Post on Anxiety

Anxiety is tough.

It’s even worse when you’re trying to explain what you’re feeling to someone who doesn’t deal with anxiety. They just don’t get it and quite honestly, can make you feel like you’re crazy.

But wait – if you’re one of the lucky ones, ya know, the ones not suffering from anxiety. I’m not trying to put you down by any means. You’re not intentionally trying to upset anyone and we get that. However, it is so important to try to understand it.

So let’s do this – BOOM, example: You, the non-anxiety ridden human, are going grocery shopping. You have your list and you scoot down each aisle with your cart with ease. You pile all of your items, weaving around other shoppers with a smile and head to the check out line. Your biggest frustration is the line of 10 people in front of you and the time it’ll take to get outta there ‘cause, man, you’re hungry!

Now, picture this: You’re at the grocery store, you hesitate grabbing your cart, with a shaky hand but once you have it you hold it close as a means of protection. You can’t help but hear everyone around you as if they’re on a PA system. You want to grab a bag of salad, but, ugh, there’s a woman in front of that cooler section and she’s taking forever. She grabs a bag and starts to leave and just as you go to make your move, someone else scurries over. You stop. Your insides tighten and twist. You say, “forget it” to yourself and walk around where no one else is, to the first aisle. As you examine the aisle you see three people, you begin to sweat and breathe a little heavier as you slowly push your cart, still close to you with the aisle sides feeling like they’re caving in little by little. 

This happens throughout the entire store. This might seem ridiculous to someone that doesn’t suffer from social anxiety, but this is very much a reality for those who do.

It seems like such a simple task, until it’s not.

The best thing you can do as someone who doesn’t understand, is simply try. Always put yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to feel what they express they feel. Listen. 

If you are that person that suffers from anxieties like this, one of the best things I’ve been taught to try is visualization therapy. Like a meditation, envision the situation that heightens your symptoms. Visualize the most crowded aisle at a grocery store, with loud noises and big carts stocking shelves and many people trying to get through; things have fallen, there’s a kid crying, someone’s making an announcement on the overhead system. 

Now picture it a little less intense. Half the people are in that aisle, half the loud noises, etc. Then do it again…and again.

Now it’s just you. 

Calm. Quiet. You can breathe deep, in and out.

If you practice this therapy and you adjust the time that you go to the grocery store so it’s not at a rush period, you can slowly start to change your bodies fight or flight reactions and be one with the experience.

Try it. Give it a good chance to absorb and take those little steps. Let me know how you feel a couple months in. It’s amazing what a little hard work can do.

These Are My Only Intentions

I’m in a period of transition.

Life has a funny way of putting you where it feels you belong.

I’m very much a believer that each of us have our own paths. Our dreams are great and all and hey, in a lot of ways they very well may be what our true goals should be. But we make choices and we get comfortable and we put others before ourselves, etc. and it changes our original path along the way.

So, what do you do when you’re forced to choose?

Everyone handles it differently; Hell, I’ve handled it differently each time! In my case, most of these situations have been career focused and it becomes a matter of what’s important to you and what you put in the importance column as a whole.

For a while, I thought I was more so making choices based on how my family would feel and while part of that is definitely a reality, I have come to realize, it’s been for my own personal mental health as well. I’ll explain.

My full-time career has been in the radio broadcast field for 15 years. It’s typically a job where people bounce from city to city, growing their resume and climbing to the top markets. That was never my thing. In fact, I had only made one significant move prior to 2016 and that was to Omaha, Nebraska in the very beginning of my career.

It was the smart move professionally, but personally? Life fell apart. 

I was in Omaha a couple months when I got the phone call. My Aunt and her Boyfriend were killed in a motorcycle accident. I had just dumped all my savings into the move, I couldn’t afford to come home and say, “goodbye.” Then, my Nana kept falling ill and the doctors were stumped for months. After these two situations and a number of other things, 23 year old me was so stressed my hair was falling out. I made the decision to quit my first full-time job, move home and start over.

Fast forward to 2019, my position was eliminated and one of the first calls I received about an opening was from a Programmer in Atlanta, Georgia. He flew through all my references before I could barely blink and wanted to get me on a plane to visit. 

My first reaction? I cried. 

Not happy tears either, panicked tears. Tears of fear, tears of post traumatic stress. Tears that made it clear to me: Atlanta is too far from home. 

Maybe it’s something I should work on, maybe it’s something I have been slowly (my family is in upstate, New York while I’m currently in Boston.) Whatever the case, what’s right for me and my personal mental health, is to be close to them. 

That’s what is important for you to weigh when you’re forced to make a choice. What might seem like a no brainer to someone else, might not be so crystal clear to you – and that’s okay! Weigh your options, think about how they all make you feel and go with your gut. Whatever makes you happiest in the end will never be the wrong decision. 

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

When you want something so bad and you’re putting in a ton of effort, then see little results, it can be extremely frustrating.

You want the effort to pay off. You want to see, feel and notice the change. But, sometimes, since we’re living it we are the last to see it.

Imagine you’re that person that wants to lose weight. You start going to the gym and eating clean. You’re even logging your exercise and calorie count and being very regimented in your behaviors. You look in the mirror 3 months in and you see the same old youor do you? I mean, hold up for a second. Think about it: if you’re doing all the hard work and you’re truly paying attention to what you’re putting into your body and you’ve been sweating, with sore muscles and all that comes along with it, your body HAS to be changing. The thing is, you see yourself every single day. The changes are happening gradually, but are hidden to your little eye balls. Step on the scale and watch the number go down…look at a picture of you before and put it side by side to one from this morning, you’re going to see your face is a little thinner and your shirts baggier than before.

Positive changes will manifest your positive results, but nothing happens with the snap of a finger. Pounds drop over months of hard work, businesses grow organically when done correctly, pain takes healing and learning to dissipate. The results will happen and it will all be worth it – just make sure that you remind yourself why you started this journey and keep going.

There’s No Good in Goodbye – Or Is There?

I try to give a fair warning to clients in certain situations that as they are moving along on their adventure to personal happiness: There will be some bumps in the road. Decisions you make for yourself will, in some cases, effect others; even the right choices. But it doesn’t mean you won’t be met without any resistance.

I had some tough pros & cons to weigh about 6 months ago. It would have been a no brainer for anyone else, I’m sure; Especially given some reactions I had had about these two particular friends in the past. But for me it was tough because I’ve known them both since we were single digits.

They both came back into my world in 2015 and I viewed them as a blessing. This was the time I was getting out of an abusive relationship and needed good people around me and *poof* there they were.

Over the course of the next few years however, a good friendship with one of them became more and more one sided. I would find myself constantly questioning my self worth after being blown off over and over, not responded to, feeling let down, etc. It got worse once I moved (only a couple hours away,) with promises to visit that never panned out, concert tickets purchased with multiple reminders only to back out the week before, being told through a mutual, “…but, I just saw her last time she was home,” which was once a month, if I was lucky, while she made time for others every weekend.

The other friend, without giving too much, out of respect for her, went a little too far on more than one occasion. But I always try to put myself in other shoes to over analyze a situation and understand their perspective and I moved forward each time. Until in September a decision was made that she knew could alter our friendship because it was going to hurt me – she did it any way. 

It was in this moment, I made the hard choice: Remove what’s hurting me. Remove the toxic.

And I did. 

But like I mentioned earlier, you won’t always be met without resistance. Even when the cons outweigh the pros of keeping someone around. 

Example: This is an email I just received through my Feel This Happy account from the first “friend” described.

“You[‘re] gonna be a life coach when you cut your friends off the way you did?? Good

Approach but you should check [yo]urself first…

Good luck to ya”

It’s been just about 6 months and this isn’t the first time she’s reached out in a negative manner. All the while, I’m sitting a state away minding my own business and taking care of my personal mental health.

If I hadn’t gone through the education I have and personal growth on dealing with anxiety, this would be a trigger. It would set me back and I would be a number of emotions. But, how I know I’ve been healing and growing stronger is my reaction to this. I saw, I read, I watched the Universe give me the proof that I made the right decision. To top it off, you get a first hand example of what you, too, may experience.

I like to share some of the personal stuff I’ve battled, so you understand I’ve been there, I “get” it and this is something I’m also working on and using my own education and techniques to grow from.

None of this is easy, but the results in how you feel are what make it all worth it. Trust the process and your hard work and keep going. Together, we’ve got this. 

You Have to Believe

Did you know if you believe it, it can happen?

I’m not talking about seeing aliens or the Loch Ness Monster, I’m talking about the attainable goals you’re striving for.

It’s all about the vibe you’re sending out into the Universe and the mindset you provide it. They call it “the Success Mindset,” because it really is that powerful. But by it, I mean your brain, what you tell it and what it allows you to feel to send out into the world.

So, example: if you’re someone with a weight loss goal and go into it every day with a positive, confident outlook and telling yourself, “I’ve got this! I’m gonna reach my 25 pound goal!” You’re more likely to reach it. There are obviously more things that need to go into it than just wishful thinking. But, if you’re keeping yourself positive, upbeat and believe you can achieve your goal, you’ll be more apt to do the workouts and make the time for meal prep, etc.

Another example: Lets say you’re up for a job. You really want it, you go in cool, calm, collected and lets throw another c-word in there – confident. You know you’re qualified, you know you bring amazing results, you’re ready for this opportunity and you’re sending those feelings out into the world. Your confidence will help you with the actual interview and the vibes you’re sending are putting the rest in action.

Our energy, like everyone around us is bouncing off of all of us all the time. It’s something we feel without even recognizing what it fully is in the moment. It’s how we feel someones excitement before they even open their mouth. It’s how we sense someone may be attracted to us without even knowing their name.

Your vibe decides.

So what are you dreaming of today and how are you feeling about it? Try it with something small and see what happens.

Be Your Own Superhero: A Note on Mens Mental Health

I stole this image from the BreakingTaboo ig account to take a second to shine some light where it very needed: Mens Mental Health.

I had asked a question on my own Instagram (@marissaontheradio) story last week, “Could your life be happier all around?”

The response was an overwhelming “YES.” More importantly, over 80% that replied were MEN.

My next question was, “What’s holding you back from your happiness?”

Only Women replied. ONLY WOMEN.

It takes a bit of bravery to take that next step to admit there’s a problem, but, c’mon GUYS, what’s not brave is “manning up.” That’s hurting you, your life, your success, your relationships; everything is not up to where it could be because YOU’RE not where you could be with how you feel about YOU.

Like a sport or an instrument, you feel good and happier with practice and growth. I realize this is something that for centuries MEN have been told to “push it down,” “shake it off,” “be a man,” “men don’t have feelings,”MEN HAVE FEELINGS – ya know why? Because you’re human. No one is invincible. But – you can be your own superhero if you take action and help yourself be your best YOU.

Take the next step and DM me today. It’s time to take care of yourself and realize you’re worth it. Put on your cape and lets get started.

Breaking Bad (Habits)

It takes a lot to get to my breaking point.

I’m talking about those days where it seems like absolutely nothing is going right; you spilled coffee on yourself, you were late for work because of all things a cow was in the middle of the road (like, huh?); it started raining on your walk into the office, works piled up, Meg was a giant B in the break room, you went in the stall without paper, someone ate your lunch out of the fridge and just as you were about to sneak out on a Friday at 5pm, one last minute piece of work pops up – UGH!

It’s days like this where it can be incredibly hard to focus on anything other than stewing about, well everything. Even breathing seems like too much.

But there are two things that you need to know for your own well being:

1) Your Personal Limit

2) How To Take It All In Stride

Your personal limits are so incredibly important. I like to look at myself like an empty drinking glass, with each little thing that seems to irk me, is the water being poured in. Eventually, we’re gonna reach the top of my head and water is going to come spilling out if I can’t drain some of it – aka my personal limit.

These days for me, it takes a helluva lot to get there. But for a while, as I was healing, it seemed like I was getting to that point a lot. What I needed to know about myself was how to handle it when it did happen. One of the best things I did for myself was to simply be alone. I needed to de-stress and not only that, I was concerned I would snap at someone I loved. Because ya know what happens when you’re in that head space and then you snap at someone you care about? You feel worse and to top it off, now they feel bad, too. No fun. Not worth it.

When I would have that alone time I would do things that would take away that negative energy. I’d play my guitar, I would write, I would head to the gym, clean the house (that’s a big one.) Getting out the extra BAD energy is super necessary.

Next on that little list is, “How To Take It All In Stride,” which I’m going to tell you right now, will not happen overnight. You won’t read this right now and magically be able to handle everything thrown at you tomorrow. Instead, it’s a matter of breaking bad habits and that requires time and brain training.

Think of some of the things that have happened this week that frustrated you. I’ve posted about my Rule of 5 before, so let me ask you this: Did whatever it was matter 5 minutes later? 5 hours? 5 days? Was it worth the frustration?

If you’re answering, “No,” then there are a couple things I can suggest that if implemented could help you immensely.

  • STOP. Close your eyes. Breathe in deep and let it out slow. Repeat. This is to calm your immediate reaction and hopefully give you a moment to think clearer. Is this something that should be sending you into a tizzy?
  • Be Calm – No matter the situation, don’t overreact, take a moment and speak calmly and assess the situation. Getting loud or sounding negative in any way is only going to heighten the issue for everyone involved.
  • Ask yourself: Does this effect me in any way? A lot of times we take on the energy of those around us and their frustrations. Maybe Tammy just told you what Bob said to her in the office and it’s offended her. You can choose to take on that negative energy or toss it in the trash. In fact, if you’re me, it’s fun to picture myself at the free throw line and making the shot (spoiler alert: I make it every time.) If you’re not a basketball fan, switch it up to your liking. Throw that negative energy away.
  • Put yourself in the other person shoes. Sure, they were a jerk with whatever just happened, but could they be deflecting onto you? It doesn’t make it right, but if you can understand what’s happening it’s a lot easier for you to not take it personally.
  • Write it out! For real – it’s a release and it works. Write it, crumple it up and throw it away and write some more if you need to. This isn’t a read what you wrote, or save it for later kinda thing either, just write it, release it and throw it out. I don’t need to you going back to it a week from now and feeling any of that all over it again.
  • Implement Some New Routine Changes: 1) Lessen your caffeine, alcohol and nicotine intake – you’re dealing with stimulants and depressants, neither are good for you mental health. 2) Get a Good Nights Sleep – you’re only working at your best, if your brain has had the appropriate down time. 3) Talk to Someone – Like writing it out, talking it out GETS IT OUT. That’s what the goal is here: release! Plus, it’s always nice to bounce off of a someone and realize you’re not crazy, or what could’ve been played out differently.

I realize a couple of these might sound ridiculous as they are written…Why should I imagine anything? How is that gonna help me at all? What’s the benefit? Try ‘em more than once and just see how you begin to change. The brain is an extremely powerful instrument and you need teach it and practice, as if you’re learning a solo on the guitar, to get it to the place you want: your calmest, happiest place. You can do it, I know you can. Just make sure you put in the work and you’ll get there!

Allow Yourself to Feel It

You don’t need to like how you feel right now.⠀

It’s okay, I promise.

Allow this to be a part of your story and allow yourself to feel it. Then, take a deep breath and take a step forward into your next chapter.

The most beautiful thing about life is that it’s constantly changing and your ability to change yourself.

• How you talk to yourself⠀
• How you react to situations ⠀
• The way other people affect you⠀
• How you feel inside every day⠀

These are all things within your control and a couple weeks, months or year from right now, this moment, you just might be another success story of putting in the hard work and taking back your personal happiness.

I can help, if you’ll let me. In fact, make this your first step and 💌 email me right now to see how I can guide you through your personal journey! ⠀

Together, we’ve got this! ☀️💙

Don’t Let Your Desires Get In the Way

You’ve heard it before: Happiness is a choice.

Do you believe it yet, though? I do. Let me explain.

I’m someone who hasn’t exactly had the easiest path (or so I’m told.) I got out of an abusive relationship, then almost immediately following, I lost my job in a budget cut. I bounced right back, only to end up in an abusive work situation and shockingly, again, a budget cut in less than 2 years. I get another job within a couple months, move to Boston and…you guessed it, budget cut again, another 2 years later.

You’d think I’d feel pretty down about myself, questioning what I bring to the table and feeling defeated. I’ll admit to moments of those feelings here and there. But, overall, I’m at my happiest. In fact, it was the weirdest thing after getting cut this last time. I shook my bosses hand, thanked him for all the opportunities and walked out of his office with an overwhelming feeling of, “I’m going to be okay.”

Why? How?

It had me puzzled, too. But, it’s hit me that I’ve worked on myself so much, I have found my own personal happiness within me and not within things surrounding me.

My personal journey of sort of rediscovering myself and healing began in June of 2015, but a giant chunk of that work happened once I moved to Boston. I found myself alone a lot, working out almost every day, reading more, basically just doing me. I did my best to also focus on all of the positives that were around me: I was close enough to my family that they were a quick drive away, I have a great core group of friends who are incredibly supportive, I am blessed to have a few dollars more than most my age in my bank account, I have two loving “kids” in my dog and cat and I have all of what I require to survive comfortably. I am a simple person, I know, but truly if you have the basic necessities in life, the more you think you need is simply a desire.

When you desire something, anything, it’s less about the object and more about how that object will make you feel. Let me tell ya, whether it’s a promotion at work, a date you waited months for, a vacation or a therapeutic shopping trip – it’s all temporary.

So, how do you create your personal happiness?

It’s by focusing on positives and the things you’re grateful for in your life. It’s being kind to yourself because if you think about it, you talk to yourself the most of anyone in your life, be nice. It’s by removing the toxic pieces around you and surrounding yourself with good people. It’s by making sure you have the basic things you need to live comfortably. By being healthy in body and mind with exercise, good foods and taking care of your mental health.

It takes work. Everything in life worth doing will take effort. But really, the first step that you need to take is always the hardest because it requires you to admit that you’re not your happiest and that things aren’t perfect. If it helps to hear, no one is perfect. You’re not alone.

So are you ready to be your happiest? Put one foot in front of the other and lets start this today! Send me an email to set up your personal one on one session and get ready to feel so much better!